So, Paul, you haven't posted any comments on what you're going to spend the loot on. Allow me to make some suggestions:
First, of all DON'T put it into a savings account or investment vehicle. While that sounds nice, what it really means is that you're actually not spending your money, and that defeats the whole purpose.
Definitely get some toys. Some really rad things would be: Something encrusted with jewels (real ones): watch, underwear, scepter, teeth. Also, some kind of LASER-activated novelty. There are tons of novelties -- singing bass, teddy bears, security systems, take your pick -- but the LASER-activation is the main thing you definitely want.
But that's just for fun. When you're thinking about where to blow this coin, I have three words for you:
Television. Perimeter. Fence.
I'll say it again:
Television. Perimeter. Fence.
This is something I've invented, and in a way I guess I'm asking you to be more of an investor than a buyer (at least initially). Anyway, I figure it's pretty much a given that you'll be dropping a few grand on a 50+ inch plasma, but the thing is, how do you stop crap in your house (clothes, toys, guests, animal droppings, pizza boxes, etc.) from accumulating in front of the TV, thereby disrupting the immersive experience that's the entire point of widescreen? Well, you buy a Plasmarimeter® (I'm also thinking about Telerimeter®, Plasmafence®, and Ellipto®): a small collapsible fence that creates a detritus-free radius around your plasma TV. I think this will be a really hot item, and I can totally see it getting placed in Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. especially as plasmas become more affordable and are therefore purchased by an increasingly slopply class of people.
Okay, I guess that goes against my original suggestion to not place your money in an investment vehicle, but let's be honest: a surefire bet only comes along once in a lifetime. I mean, yeah, you could have invested in Google ten years ago, but guess what? Ten years ago you didn't have 2.5 million dollars to invest. Now you do. Paul, this is your Google. Plasmarimeter® (or whatever).
So you know, think about it. But really, DON'T think about it -- just DO IT!!!
I consider it a serious intellectual failing on my part that "bp" wrote this comment before I even had the notion to think it up. It is a transcendent vision of things to come. God help us. We are not ready.
Ah, sheesh, can you tell I've been de-blogged for awhile?
I swear when I first viewed the photo, my eyes saw "Whining Writer's Award for 2007". Offended on your behalf, but amused ... how did they narrow it down? In any event, congratulations on the actual award.
A member of the sloppy classes in desperate need of a Plasmarimeter, Jen
Paul, as a poet who discovered and follows you through this blog (I can't remember how I got here in the first place), it's been a pleasure to read about your journey. Obviously, this isn't the final destination, but it's one hell of a pit stop. And it reminds us that you define a good poet by the poetry he writes.
Paul Guest is the author of four volumes of poetry and a memoir. His debut, The Resurrection of the Body and the Ruin of the World, was awarded the 2002 New Issues Poetry Prize. His second collection, Notes for My Body Double, was awarded the 2006 Prairie Schooner Book Prize. His third collection, My Index of Slightly Horrifying Knowledge, was published by Ecco Press/HarperCollins in 2008. His fourth collection, Because Everything Is Terrible, was published by Diode Editions. His poems have appeared in Harper's, The Paris Review, Poetry, Tin House, The Kenyon Review, and elsewhere. His memoir, One More Theory About Happiness, was published by Ecco in May 2010 and selected for the Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers Program. The recipient of a 2011 Guggenheim Fellowship and a 2007 Whiting Writers' Award, Guest lives in Charlottesville, Virginia.
7 comments:
So, Paul, you haven't posted any comments on what you're going to spend the loot on. Allow me to make some suggestions:
First, of all DON'T put it into a savings account or investment vehicle. While that sounds nice, what it really means is that you're actually not spending your money, and that defeats the whole purpose.
Definitely get some toys. Some really rad things would be: Something encrusted with jewels (real ones): watch, underwear, scepter, teeth. Also, some kind of LASER-activated novelty. There are tons of novelties -- singing bass, teddy bears, security systems, take your pick -- but the LASER-activation is the main thing you definitely want.
But that's just for fun. When you're thinking about where to blow this coin, I have three words for you:
Television. Perimeter. Fence.
I'll say it again:
Television. Perimeter. Fence.
This is something I've invented, and in a way I guess I'm asking you to be more of an investor than a buyer (at least initially). Anyway, I figure it's pretty much a given that you'll be dropping a few grand on a 50+ inch plasma, but the thing is, how do you stop crap in your house (clothes, toys, guests, animal droppings, pizza boxes, etc.) from accumulating in front of the TV, thereby disrupting the immersive experience that's the entire point of widescreen? Well, you buy a Plasmarimeter® (I'm also thinking about Telerimeter®, Plasmafence®, and Ellipto®): a small collapsible fence that creates a detritus-free radius around your plasma TV. I think this will be a really hot item, and I can totally see it getting placed in Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. especially as plasmas become more affordable and are therefore purchased by an increasingly slopply class of people.
Okay, I guess that goes against my original suggestion to not place your money in an investment vehicle, but let's be honest: a surefire bet only comes along once in a lifetime. I mean, yeah, you could have invested in Google ten years ago, but guess what? Ten years ago you didn't have 2.5 million dollars to invest. Now you do. Paul, this is your Google. Plasmarimeter® (or whatever).
So you know, think about it. But really, DON'T think about it -- just DO IT!!!
And in advance I'd like to say:
YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!
I consider it a serious intellectual failing on my part that "bp" wrote this comment before I even had the notion to think it up. It is a transcendent vision of things to come. God help us. We are not ready.
I have to agree with you, Taylor.
About it being a serious intellectual failure on your part.
Ah, sheesh, can you tell I've been de-blogged for awhile?
I swear when I first viewed the photo, my eyes saw "Whining Writer's Award for 2007". Offended on your behalf, but amused ... how did they narrow it down? In any event, congratulations on the actual award.
A member of the sloppy classes in desperate need of a Plasmarimeter,
Jen
Fucking Amazing Awesome!! You the man!!! -rebecca
Paul, as a poet who discovered and follows you through this blog (I can't remember how I got here in the first place), it's been a pleasure to read about your journey. Obviously, this isn't the final destination, but it's one hell of a pit stop. And it reminds us that you define a good poet by the poetry he writes.
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