Sunday, October 28, 2007

Inside

7 comments:

bp said...

So, Paul, you haven't posted any comments on what you're going to spend the loot on. Allow me to make some suggestions:

First, of all DON'T put it into a savings account or investment vehicle. While that sounds nice, what it really means is that you're actually not spending your money, and that defeats the whole purpose.

Definitely get some toys. Some really rad things would be: Something encrusted with jewels (real ones): watch, underwear, scepter, teeth. Also, some kind of LASER-activated novelty. There are tons of novelties -- singing bass, teddy bears, security systems, take your pick -- but the LASER-activation is the main thing you definitely want.

But that's just for fun. When you're thinking about where to blow this coin, I have three words for you:

Television. Perimeter. Fence.

I'll say it again:

Television. Perimeter. Fence.

This is something I've invented, and in a way I guess I'm asking you to be more of an investor than a buyer (at least initially). Anyway, I figure it's pretty much a given that you'll be dropping a few grand on a 50+ inch plasma, but the thing is, how do you stop crap in your house (clothes, toys, guests, animal droppings, pizza boxes, etc.) from accumulating in front of the TV, thereby disrupting the immersive experience that's the entire point of widescreen? Well, you buy a Plasmarimeter® (I'm also thinking about Telerimeter®, Plasmafence®, and Ellipto®): a small collapsible fence that creates a detritus-free radius around your plasma TV. I think this will be a really hot item, and I can totally see it getting placed in Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. especially as plasmas become more affordable and are therefore purchased by an increasingly slopply class of people.

Okay, I guess that goes against my original suggestion to not place your money in an investment vehicle, but let's be honest: a surefire bet only comes along once in a lifetime. I mean, yeah, you could have invested in Google ten years ago, but guess what? Ten years ago you didn't have 2.5 million dollars to invest. Now you do. Paul, this is your Google. Plasmarimeter® (or whatever).

So you know, think about it. But really, DON'T think about it -- just DO IT!!!

And in advance I'd like to say:

YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!

Taylor said...

I consider it a serious intellectual failing on my part that "bp" wrote this comment before I even had the notion to think it up. It is a transcendent vision of things to come. God help us. We are not ready.

Paul said...

I have to agree with you, Taylor.

About it being a serious intellectual failure on your part.

Jennifer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Ah, sheesh, can you tell I've been de-blogged for awhile?

I swear when I first viewed the photo, my eyes saw "Whining Writer's Award for 2007". Offended on your behalf, but amused ... how did they narrow it down? In any event, congratulations on the actual award.

A member of the sloppy classes in desperate need of a Plasmarimeter,
Jen

Anonymous said...

Fucking Amazing Awesome!! You the man!!! -rebecca

Anonymous said...

Paul, as a poet who discovered and follows you through this blog (I can't remember how I got here in the first place), it's been a pleasure to read about your journey. Obviously, this isn't the final destination, but it's one hell of a pit stop. And it reminds us that you define a good poet by the poetry he writes.