Thursday, October 21, 2004

One of those days

My mother once asked me if I would ever have any normal friends. By that, she didn't so much refer to the friends I had so much as the oddballs that I have always attracted. I'll catalog some of them, characters all, at some later date, but today had me thinking about the random nuttiness that follows me ever around.

I went over to my apartment with a friend to check on the door, as it's never working correctly, always jamming. Same story today. So we try my key, which straightaway becomes lodged like the sword in the stone. And I am not Arthur. It will not budge.

At the office, they tell me maintenance is on lunch and I'll have to wait. But, no! Who is there? The exterminator guy. Massive, rotund, over-friendly exterminator guy. He offers his bug-killing expertise to my locksmithing problem. Hey, why not? Might as well. So he shambles down to my door, wheezing mightily, and after agreeing, yes, that key ain't coming loose, he goes to his truck and returns with a giant aerosol thermos of roach spray. He sticks the straw small nozzle into the lock and begins hosing it down.

Yes, he's lubing the doorlock with bug spray. Now it's me that will check in but not check out.

He soon concedes defeat. Now you know what not to do when faced with a similar crisis.

Later, I'll tell you about the soccer mom I caused to fly into a rage.



Stuart Greenhouse said...


I just wanted to say that I just read your poem on the *Crazyhorse* website and wow was it good. It's easy to forget that the point of the blogging is outside of blogging, in the poems. Anyway, great poem, just the right touch. Thanks.

Jennifer said...

It feels mean to laugh, when you now have a lock full of poison, but sorry, what a riot! Your exterminator reminds me of the father in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", for whom Windex was the panacea for all human ills. When in doubt, use roach spray. I think you're lucky nothing was amiss INSIDE your place.

Ivy said...

Is 'lubing the doorlock' a new euphemism?

(Hiya, you're on my bloglist -- hope you don't mind me commenting. ;-) )